Biographies are terrible – self congratulatory appraisals spliced with nauseating attempts to shine amongst other contemporaries, incorrectly appropriating adjectives such as “unique” “powerful” and “Mark Lawrenson”. All wishing to ultimately achieve the same outcome: that you will become interested in this band and then shower said band with verbal and monetary admiration. Each one becoming more and more self indulgent and quasi-poetic until finally both your retinas and brain simultaneously shatter and dribble through your nasal cavity due to the sheer audacity of some to describe themselves as anything other than “a band, sometimes”. Of course, by pointing all of this out to you, the reader, in this scathingly analytical attack on the biography as an “art” form, we have indeed tried to make you become interested in this band and then shower said band with verbal and monetary admiration.
We are Alpha Male Tea Party. We are (fucking) loud. We have guitars, songs and occasionally, palatable humour. Last year we released our second album “Droids”. It sold literally several copies. People with hands wrote nice words about it too.
Rock Sound said: “tear-jerkingly beautiful… furious, and all in all, it’s pure, 18-carat fun. Fun is never a bad thing, right?” – 8/10
Total Guitar said: “Describing Alpha Male Tea Party is something of a challenge, so let’s settle on ‘predominantly instrumental, utterly exhilarating heavy rock.’”
The Skinny said: “their rewardingly complex racket jumps from awe-inspiring metallic proficiency to jagged post-punk gnarl; from brain-crushing heaviosity to wordless, jaw-to-the-floor anthems.” – 4/5